My husband was away on a work trip for a couple days and I was so bored.
And now I gotta ask, how do the navy wives do it when their husbands are at sea?
They’re alone a lot longer than a couple days.
Maybe they have kids, and their kids keep them company.
Or maybe they don’t mind because their husbands are really annoying.
I was watching a youtube video of a guy playing Stardew Valley, and when I fell asleep he was tilling the soil and when I woke up and he was still tilling the soil.
I don’t know if he was just tilling soil for 8 hours or what.
But dude, come on, there’s more to life than tilling soil.
I would never go to somebody’s house.
Not for any reason.
Not even if there was a FIRE!
Rachael Ray said her favorite thing to do is chores.
She’s the most fucked up person I’ve ever heard of.
When you win a world record for playing a video game fast, are you really a winner though?
I mean you won something.
But did you really win?
Like on a speed date what do you say?
“Hi I’m tit_hungry and I beat Pokemon in 3 seconds. Can I get your number?”
ME: Let’s start a band of all girl feminist punk rockers and name it “Bitch”. The band is named Bitch.
BFF: Okay.
ME: And we could call our fans “bitches” like, “Thanks everybody for coming out tonight! We love you, bitches!!!”
My Best (and only) Friend: My roommate is always home. I’M NEVER ALONE IN MY APARTMENT!
Me: Tell him there’s a fire.
My best friend and I were practicing a dance and filming it, (we’re almost 40 years old), and later this conversation happened:
ME: Don’t worry, I didn’t show your video to anyone.
BFF: You can spam them anywhere you want.
ME: Ok good because I already posted it to instagram, reddit, tiktok, and pornhub.
Pellets from the Universe 