I’m going to a reindeer farm soon to pet some reindeer.
I need someone to “reign” me in though so I don’t buy $500 worth of reindeer food to feed them all.
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Inflation Has Gotten Out of Control!
Remember the Subway $5 footlong?
It’s now the Subway $500 footlong.
*audience politely claps*
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Fake Sugar
Do you think I’ll get sued if I make a fake sugar substitute and call it “Stevia Wonder”?
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Seth Rogen Sighting??
I think I might have seen Seth Rogen working his secret part-time job at a Starbucks.
Or it could have been a regular guy.
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JaredJerkyLegs
My next username is going to be “JaredJerkyLegs”.
Like someone named Jared who has legs made of chicken jerky.
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Hawaii
I can’t wait to go to Hawaii.
I wanna see a blow hole.
I hope there’s fish there.
But not ones that suck on my toes,
or bite me.
I’m gonna bring my finest g-string,
the Borat swimsuit.
You know the one.
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Europe and its Castles
Europe is covered in castles.
It’s like, just get over yourself with all these castles!
Get a regular house.
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Housewarming Party Gift
*getting ready for a housewarming party, turning to you*
ME: It’s cool to bring like either a bottle of wine or an equivalent, like a raw egg, right?
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This is a Christina Aguilera Fan Site Now
On Christina Aguilera’s album Back to Basics, there’s this one circus themed song, and I always skip it because it’s really scary. It’s in a minor key and sounds dissonant and circus music plays.
It’s like, yeah, I get it, life’s a circus, but do you have to scare me to death too??
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Google Search Query
“shakira kermit not in same room same time ?”
oh sorry I thought this was google search.
Pellets from the Universe 