BFF: I wanna go to Greece.
ME: When I get my lawsuit money from Big Egg I’ll take you.
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Clown College
Once I almost got kicked out of my university program because I had a bad GPA for one quarter.
Jokes on them though, I got my degree in the end.
Jokes on me though, I owed $100k in student loans.
So who’s the real clown here?
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Those Were the Days
I remember the days of the old web. Let me take you back to what the web was for an old 90s millennial…
The internet was a shitstorm and we were along for the ride.
But that’s how we got a tough skin when using the internet.
We were on the dark web all the time.
Buying crack and bootlegs of Chris Rock stand up special DVDs.
We used to call it “Rock n’ Rock”.
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The Hangover
Today I need to be peeled off the couch physically by a person or maybe a machine.
Like one of those crane machines at the bowling alley.
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If You Got It, Flaunt It
I think I would have a hard time fitting in if I was born an alpha generation or zoomer or whatever teenager.
I don’t care so much about politics I would get a bumper sticker about it.
I like being feminine and I don’t like loose flowy and mom jeans.
I feel like the current fashion is totally sexless.
It’s like, how much can I hide my body?
I say, let that freak flag fly high!
show your ASs!
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Astronaut Scientist
There’s a storm outside and a wind chill factor.
Anyway, I’m basically an astronaut now.
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Bird Sounds
Today I got fooled by a machine making bird sounds.
I thought there were real birds singing.
I would never make it in the wild.
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You Are a Rainbow
I was thinking about cosmetic surgery today.
Don’t go under the knife, people. You’re beautiful and special just the way you are.
Also you could die.
Pellets from the Universe 