I just came up with an invention:
smell-proof weed
They should breed it until it doesn’t smell anymore.
I’m gonna patent this idea and I guess the government will give me a big bag of gold coins?
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Freedom Loving Americans
I feel like legally drinking alcohol on the beach in the US is a perfect metaphor for America.
It’s true freedom to be able to drink in public, but also there’s probably a lot of broken glass everywhere so you should wear shoes.
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Best Friends Forever
I want my best friend to live right next door to me.
She’s really into gardening.
Her yard would be perfectly tended to.
And we’d have lawn wars.
And I’d just throw some seeds into the front yard every once in a while and hope it rains.
Into her yard.
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Baby
I’ve never had a baby.
Mostly out of sheer terror.
Mostly because I can’t tell the difference from one baby to the next.
I can’t help it. They all have the same eyes and nose and mouth, and they’re all about the same size.
It’s very confusing.
If I had a baby, and it was playing on the playground with a bunch of other babies, I wouldn’t be able to tell you who was my baby, probably.
That’s my third biggest fear.
It goes:
- Spiders
- Cliffs
- Not being able to tell which baby is mine on the playground
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Overnight Billionaire
If I was a billionaire overnight, the first thing I’d do is take Christina Aguilera’s masterclass.
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Lemon week
I bought 3 lbs of lemons today.
I plan on making preserved lemons.
I bought a huge jar to put them in.
I’m also going to make some more recipes that call for lemons.
It’s going to be a very lemony week.
Pellets from the Universe 