I prefer making the same 5 meals over and over again that I can just throw together with minimal brain power required, versus following an actual cookbook recipe.
I feel like recipes are like: “Blanch and peel tomato. Then cut out seeds and water. Lastly, discard remaining tomato pieces (if any left) into the trash.”
How do choreographers think of like, thousands of different moves to use with your body, to dance to a song?
I have like 25.
Probably less.
What the fuck.
There’s only 25 body parts.
Me: “Itty bitty waist, but your ass so fat…”
I thought that was impossible until I met you.
If you’ve had work done, it looks great. It looks natural.
BFF: My waist is a women’s large let’s calm down.
Yesterday a spider got in the house by the front door, and I was screaming and shit to my husband like, “Get it out of here!!!”
So he went and opened the front door and got a cup to rescue it and throw it down to the neighbor’s front door, and I was watching the spider, and it just casually walked out the front door to the outside like, “I’m outta here, this bitch is crazy.”
My cousin sent me a photo of her new puppy.
I thought it was a cocker spaniel.
Then she said, “No it’s a golden retriever.”
And I replied, “Ok but, very confusing to have a golden retriever that’s a cocker spaniel.”
BFF: Having microwave cookies.
Me: You just take some refrigerated dough and microwave it on high for 20 minutes?
BFF: It’s not for microwaving. It’s for the oven.
Me: That sounds like a good solution to not wanting to bake something in the oven.
BFF: The only problem is, I’m trash.
Did you know you’re not supposed to take things out of a national park, like dirt?
My cousin told me she used to go to national parks with her husband, and they would collect a little of the dirt and save it.
Why you wanna save dirt?!
Also you’re not supposed to do that!
It’s illegal, probably.
And did you know you’re not supposed to bury someone in the national park either?
Not even their ashes!
Maybe my cousin picked up somebody’s ashes thinking it was national park dirt.
Now that would be funny!
Last night my husband said, “It’s too hot in here, I’m gonna open the kitchen window.”
And I said, “Oh no we’re gonna get spiders!!!”
And he said, “What? I can’t hear you over the sound of all the spiders streaming in!”
Then I laughed. But cautiously.
(In case it was true.)
I used AI to do a Stardew Valley strategy spreadsheet, and it did it almost perfectly and I said, “Thank you, robot!” afterward.
And my husband said, “You don’t have to thank the AI, it doesn’t do anything.”
But I think you should thank it.
Pellets from the Universe 