Pellets from the Universe

The biggest anarchists of all are bald guys.

Everybody knows this.

My friend was telling me about how her dad, who lives in Montana, woke up one night, because he heard a crashing sound in the other room, and he said he thought it was Katie going through the garbage in the kitchen, but she was laying in the bed right next to him, so it couldn’t have been her.

So he goes into the living room and he says (about 3 octaves higher than a normal man’s voice) “AAAH! A bear!!!!”

Because a bear had ripped the air conditioner out of the window and stuck its head through the window.

After her dad yelled, the bear lost interest and left, and her dad closed the window.

Now, you might be thinking, “Katie is her dad’s girlfriend, right?”

But you’d be wrong.

It’s the dog.

My friend (the real one) asked me to write a travel itinerary for her 92 year old dad.

He’s from Montana, so I put “going to a tavern and riding the mechanical bull.”

If I had a baby, the day it was born I would hand it a gun and say:

“Welcome to the United States of America. You’re gonna need this to SURVIVE.”

McLovin took America by storm.

McLovin was America’s sweetheart.

Now zoomers don’t know who McLovin is.

🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸

I used to live with my aunt and uncle, and I had a bedroom downstairs.

One morning I woke up to my cousin yelling to her mom, “MOM!…. I’ve had diarrhea for a WEEK!’

It’s funny when bad stuff happens to people with $400.

We had a Roomba for a while, but it took forever to clean a room and we don’t think it cleaned better than an actual vacuum.

Also it was in German and we could figure out how to change it.

Because it was speaking German.

My whole school career I got C’s and B’s from my professors for writing.

They didn’t like my writing because it wasn’t in an academic voice enough.

They didn’t like my writing because I wasn’t parroting back exactly what they just wrote on their slides.

They didn’t like my writing because it wasn’t completely predictable.

Boy, did I feel like I was stupid.

Well, I’ve been a writer for a long time now.

Of all different genres and styles of writing.

People say they even like my writing.

And I think I like it too, or I would have quit a long time ago.

Now those same professors are fighting students cheating on writing essays with AI: a technological tsunami that has arrived and is here to stay.

It’s also a technology that can do exactly that they’re looking for.

It writes in an academic voice.

It parrots back exactly what the slides already say.

And it’s completely and utterly predictable.

Students now are doing exactly what my professors always wanted me to do with my writing.

It makes me wonder.

Who’s schooling who?

I showed my husband an article about Katy Perry going to space and he turned to me and said:

“I’ve never read anything I hated more in my entire life.”